Choose Or Loose

[/i]Senor Fingers, who has some of the best posts over on the
Don Juan boards, has posted a great article up over on mASF that
goes into great personal detail about his journey of self
discovery and self improvement. He's got a lot of interesting
insites, and I think everyone will get a lot out of reading his
post. [/i]

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Senor Fingers writes:
Looking back on my experiences in this game, I realize that the
most powerful shift I have made in my approach was the move from
a longing for acceptance vs. the desire to find what I was
looking for. I know that sounds cryptic, so allow me to
elaborate.

When I first got into the science of seduction, my motives were
completely different. I was a validation seeker, whose
self-esteem was directly linked to how people perceived me. If I
met a cute girl, my intent was to win her over with my charms.

If she liked me, I felt validated and in turn liked myself. But
if she blew me off, even if I played a cool front, deep down I
would bang my head against the walls and live in a state of woe
and dismay at how unworthy I was, until I met someone who would
mend my fragile ego with their acceptance. And so the vicious
cycle would continue. My self worth was like a leaf, blown
mercilessly to and fro on the spastic whims of others. I had no
center!

THE IRONY

Wanna know the most twisted part of this whole scenario? I
wasn't even sure if I liked these people! Yet in a constant
struggle to win their favor, I would crank out a plethora of
field-tested routines, jokes and stories in an effort to get
them to like me.

I wasn't aware of it at the time, but all I did was
sub-communicate my own neediness. Did I get laid? Of course I
did. But I noticed that when I was in this frame, I was
attracting women with low self esteem, and hohum personalities.
Yeah I was getting ass alright, but I sure as hell was not any
happier or secure in myself either! Probably because I was a
little LSE with emotional issues of my own, but that's whole
nother story. At the end of the day I was not getting what I
wanted, because I was too busy trying to be what I thought other
people expected. Now aint that a kick in the pants?

UNEXPECTED RESULTS

It wasn't until I started to really progress on my professional
and spiritual path, that I got tired of hot chicks with mediocre
personalities and made the paradigm shift. After years of
granting women my approval based on how fine they looked, I felt
that I, being someone who is good-looking, talented and
ambitious to boot, deserved better.

I didn't just tell myself this, it was an inner conviction that
only a true queen would be worthy to share my love. My friends
laughed at me and called me a gay monk when I would turn down
easy ass. But I couldn't be pressured away from my choice, and
started to search for something deeper than a big butt and a
smile. The result had surprising side effects...

All of a sudden, I was the chooser and all of these hotties had
to live up to my expectations. Call it qualifying, Push / Pull,
or whatever you want, the point is that women can sense when you
are not easily impressed, and it drives them crazy when they
meet someone who doesn't worship their looks right off the bat.

Most of them invest so much time and money on clothes, make-up,
nails, accesories, not to mention the countless hours of prep
time before they even step out the door, that it totally
deflates their game when you show more interest in who they are
than how they look. I don't know if this attitude showed in my
body language or some other subconscious cues, but I wound up
getting hit on aggressively, even fought over by girls I never
thought would never give me the time of day.

THE FLIP SIDE

At the same time, you can't be completely oblivious to their sex
appeal. You must show them some scrap of validation, so they
know you are a sexual being who fancies them. The trick is to
show tentative interest, as in you like them but aren't totally
sold yet. Don't go out of your way to impress and for once give
THEM the chance to sincerely win you over. In order to pull this
off successfully, you have to feel 100% comfortable with
yourself and approach with the unshakeable confidence that you
will always get what you want from any interaction, be it a
number, sex, or a learning experience.

Things get so much easier once you learn to flip the game and
get these women seeking your stamp of approval instead of the
other way around. The big question, as always, is how??? There
are many things you can do, but before I get into that, there is
a major don't that should be brought to light.

DOUBTS ARE WORTHLESS ILLUSIONS

If you ever feel insecure or unworthy around a pretty gal, then
it's high time you kicked that negative sh!t to the curb, took a
deep breath and realized that most of these chicks put so much
effort in their appearances because they are only trying to mask
their insecurities. The status you place on them is also an
illusion.

Though they pretend to be annoyed by it, the truth is that they
thrive off the daily validation offered to them by anonymous
men. I was always baffled by this behavior. They have the nerve
to complain about horny guys in the street as they squeeze into
skin-tight jeans and strap on their Wonder-Bras. Is it any
wonder we have had so much trouble understanding them, when they
rarely make any damn sense?

THE WOMAN'S PRIZE

For ages men have been scratching their heads, trying to figure
out what it is that these crazy b!tches really want. Is it
money? Power? Prestige? Well for starters, let's not get
delusional here. A secluded internet nerd who acts like a
chooser will not go very far. You must be attractive to attract!
Sure, there are plenty of ladies who would lower their standards
for a rich or powerful man with zero looks or personality. But
unless you live the solid gold lifestyle and don't mind dealing
with gold-diggers, it's time to focus on what women are really
looking for.....EXCITEMENT!

Every girl, from her first romantic fantasies, dreams of a
mysterious adventurer who will jump-start her mundane world and
make her feel more intensely than ever before. This emotional
instinct is something very alien to our logical minds. All we
want is a sweet piece of ass that will bring us a sandwich
afterwards, and we are totally at a loss when we see a beautiful
woman (who could have anyone she wanted) ends up with a major
assh0le who mistreats or beats her. The truth is that, jerk or
not, he is fulfilling a deep emotional need...to be punished,
hurt, anything to make her FEEL because emotion is the way in
which a woman establishes her reality.

Let's face it fellas, ladies love drama, and if you are not a
great author of your own life, then you will fail to intrigue
them! It is sad that some men choose to exploit these emotional
weaknesses with pain and intimidation, because it's a huge waste
of energy and everyone loses in the end. If you really want a
woman to fantasize about you for the rest of her natural life,
then you must touch that emotional g-spot with excitement,
inspiration and compassion.

EXCITEMENT

When you live life to its fullest, there is no need to perform
for the sake of winning favor.

People will be drawn to you naturally because you possess that
certain something they find attractive but can't quite figure
out. Banish worry and doubt from your thought patterns because
they never help and always hold you back.

Be imaginative in everything you do and open your eyes to see
all of the great, funny and interesting things that make life
worth living.

Behind the most boring everyday rituals, there are simple
pleasures to be enjoyed and great stories waiting to be
told...if you can't see this then what you need is a change of
perspective. If possible, try to get some traveling under your
belt. Nothing will give you a greater sense of perspective and
appreciation for your world than alien rituals, cultures, and
environments.

Traveling has helped me in so many aspects of my life, that I
get restless if I stay in one place for too long, and can't
figure out how people can settle for the throbbing monotony
around them. Each day is on opportunity for adventure, so even
if it means going to a different part of town, get out of the
tired old cycles that are weighing you down and get some fresh
energy in your life.

Another facet of excitement is spontaneity and decisiveness. In
a sense you must learn to sweep yourself off your own feet
before you can do it for her. The world rarely sticks to your
plans anyway, so you are better off rolling with the punches and
yes, even enjoying the unexpected twists in the road. There is a
Spanish expression that I love so much, it has become my motto...

"Nunca te acostarás sin saber una cosa más"

It means "Never go to sleep at night without knowing something
new".

Apply this to your own life and it will naturally extend to your
romantic approach. Women absolutely adore a man who will grab
their hand and say, "Tonight we are going someplace special and
you are going to LOVE it!" Anticipation, wonder and surprise are
your allies in this game, so take her places she has never been
before and teach her something, because people never forget
their first time. Your goal is to have them thinking, " Who IS
this man?" Remember that the moment they stop wondering about
you is when the boredom sets in and that pretty much means Game
Over.

INSPIRATION

Be aware of your potential and believe in your ability to
fulfill it. This is the best gift you can give yourself. It is
also a wonderful thing to share with a woman who you also feel
has greatness within her. The bottom line is that we all want to
feel like we matter... that our lives have some kind of meaning.
This is why dreams are the most powerful part of my screening
process.

I love to ask what they envisioned for the future as a child,
the type of future they are anticipating today, etc. What a girl
wants out of life will tell you more about her than anything
else. This helps me weed out the boring ones who are more
concerned with "American Idol" than their own lives.

Once I find out what she dreams of, I do one of two things. If
she is on the right path, I express my sincere admiration
because it is rare to find people who live life on their own
terms, and I have great interest in anyone who does this.

More often than not, unfortunately, I encounter a woman who has
given up on her life in a sense. In this case, I do my best to
reinforce the fact that she is totally capable of realizing her
potential by showing her that, despite the people who called me
crazy along the way, I have worked hard to fulfill my own
destiny. You would be surprised how few people actually
encourage these things nowadays.

It's not a seduction ploy either. I really believe that we all
have so much to offer, yet so few of us have the balls to defy
convention until someone believes in us. I have ex-girlfriends
who I haven't seen in years, but they are still head over heels
in love with me because I made them see all they had to offer
the world and how stunningly beautiful they were beneath the
surface. And aint that all anyone really wants... to feel
worthy, desired and powerful?

COMPASSION

I can't stress this enough, but learn to be a good listener! The
worst thing you can do is feign interest or simply "uh-huh"
someone to death. People appreciate insight from an outsider's
perspective and deep down we are all looking for someone who
gives a damn about our problems. This is not to say that you
should be the emotional tampon.

The instant a girl starts to complain about her life, job,
friends, etc. I remind her that she always has the choice to
change any of these things and sometimes we can't embrace a
better future if we are holding onto a crappy past just cause
it's comfortable. At first I sympathize with them and show I am
on their side, until I can see how they make themselves suffer
needlessly, at which point I get them to laugh at how silly they
are being.

Transmuting worry and doubt into laughter is one of the most
powerful things you can do for a woman. I know it sounds crazy,
but females have this innate necessity to be make themselves
crazy and then be pacified by you in order to experience a wide
range of emotions.

Though it drives me nuts sometimes, I have to admit, the sex is
quite enjoyable after such episodes because there is so much
more that the two of you are expressing. This might seem
annoying at times, but I actually find it adorable how they
overcomplicate their lives and are desperate for someone to come
along and make things simple for them.

On an instinctual level, they want you to shake them up
emotionally, which is why you want to reduce their stress to
peace and vanquish boredom with excitement. It should be noted
that some women, no matter how hot or great they seem, might not
be compatible with you on this energetic level. Two uptight and
paranoid people will drive each other crazy and two laidback
folks will probably get bored very quickly. Nature dictates that
we experience an abundance of energy when two extremes collide
and find balance. As my mom always said, "There is someone for
everyone"

CONCLUSION

The most important step you can take to getting what you want
out of life is actually deciding what that something is.
Seduction is not so much about being a one-man circus to get a
piece of ass, as it is about seducing the universe into
materializing your desires. This applies to your career, your
physical being, and your sexuality. Even if it seems stupid,
write down your vision of an ideal job, body and mate.

Make a list of the things that you want to change and the
possible methods of doing so. One of the biggest turn-offs for a
woman is a wishy-washy man, and you would do your self a great
service to eliminate the words "I don't know" from your
vocabulary. It is better to err on the side of daring, rather
than caution, because this is the only way to change your life
for the better.

I suppose you could try to fake these attitudes I have outlined
with nothing more than a few daily self-affirmations, but
personal experience has taught me that only when you truly see
yourself as a winner, will you feel legitimized to score a "10".
And your actions, not your words, will determine how you see
yourself. The old saying rings true my friends, beggars really
can't be choosers. The beauty of it all is that until the day we
die, we always have the choice to be either one.